Someone asked why I hadn’t updated y’all on how our adoption journey is going. I had no answer except, “Well, I didn’t even think about it.” I have been so distracted. Shockingly to me. So, because y’all have been so amazing to pray and care and contribute to our journey, here is an update.
My Hero (MH) arrived January 31st and promptly got sick two days later. So did I. We were sick for 18 days. Seriously. It was terrible. We ended up in the ER, yes, both of us (if you follow me on Instagram, you already know this). MH had a double ear infection and bronchitis. I had a crazy virus and sinus infection. Par-tay.
Since recovery, we have had to work at finding our rhythm and groove. All of us. Actually, the kids and Paul seem to not have needed any kind of adjustment. They have been and are doing fantastic with it all. Whatever. Truly though, that is amazing and confirmation that our decision has been a good one.
The two women in the home have had some adjusting, which is expected.
I mean, really, even when someone you love visits for a week, it’s challenging. But when someone you love moves in with you, there are going to be some bumps along the way.
Our bumps have been minimal and not unusual for MH and I. We know each other well. Our bumps are bumps we have had for a long time.
The beautiful aspect of it all is that MH and I communicate pretty darn well with each other. Even emotional and in territory that is completely new to both of us, we are trucking along nicely.
When we have a challenging topic we need to address, we do it. Sometimes face to face conversation happens, sometimes texts. We do what works for us.
My role is seriously odd as compared to relationships that others have with their birth mom and with their friends, but it’s not odd for MH and I. It’s how we roll and how we have rolled for over a decade.
I push her and make her talk about issues she doesn’t want to talk about. So, this is different, but the same. The heightened aspect now is that I have to trust God in the adoption placement even more.
For a few weeks, I really really really struggled with my words and actions. I was freaked out that I might say or do something that would make her change her mind in placing her baby with us.
It was really bad. I was a bit of mess, crying into my pillow at night and random times of the day.
Finally, my soul found rest in My Awesome God and His love, His sovereignty, and His comfort.
One of the things MH said to me early on was, “Please be Mindy about all of this.” So, I am trying to be fully me.
Funny thing is that now I am not only a friend to her, but I am an adoptive mama to be, I feel a bit like two people in one body. And that’s new. But I think it’s my new permanent with MH and I know God will morph the two together over time. I look forward to how He does that.
For example, last week I had a rough week. Two sets of friends who started the adoption journey after us received babies and I was jealous. Yes, that’s ugly. I have repented.
I was jealous that God would make their journey so quick and easy. “Why would you ask us to walk such a long and challenging road, Lord?! I want a baby … now!!”
I know, I know. I am so stinkin’ ugly.
And the fear that MH would change her mind hit me full on while I struggled. After nearly a week of bawling while praising God for my friends’ prayers being answered, I finally went to MH and talked with her.
I reminded her that we are honored and happy to help her during her pregnancy while she needs help. We love her and want to do that.
We also need her to tell us if she changes her mind about placing with us. It wouldn’t be fair if she knew that and didn’t tell us. We are off the agency list because we have been “matched” with her, but would want to get back on if she has made a new plan.
MH smiled at me.
(This little scene is familiar for both of us, since it happens on a variety of topics, sometimes we switch crying roles)
I shared that most of the time I am the same old Mindy, but sometimes I am more the adoptive mama and it’s hard. I struggle against fear. And that sometimes, being reminded of why she wants to do this will help me. Just as sometimes me reminding her how honored I am to be the mama to her baby will help her.
She reminded me of her reasons and her confidence in her plan. She also shared a reason I didn’t know. It ended up being a special time between us.
MH isn’t a talker by nature, so we have scheduled “chats” about the big topics. She hates them. But she knows why it’s good for her and for the home. We want communication to stay clear and struggles to be handled.
I am so proud of her in many ways. She is taking steps to help her emotional health, even though she would rather not. She chats with the kids and interacts with others (even going on a trip to Santa Fe for nine hours), even though she would rather not. She shares some of her struggles with me, even though she would rather not.
I would say that we are rocking this completely weird situation.
Today, Maybe Baby is nineteen weeks in utero development. That means he/she is the size of an heirloom tomato. And it means that we are almost halfway to meeting him/her.
Next Friday, we have an ultrasound and doctor’s appointment. Then three days later, we meet with the high risk doctor. Since MH has never had a baby and is 42, has Hoshimoto’s, and has spastic cerebral palsy, they have placed her in the high risk category.
Please pray that all is well with Maybe Baby and that we see beautiful development next week when we get a little peek. And if all is not well, that God shower us with His grace to handle whatever we must.
Living with the birth mother, watching the baby grow, getting to go to all the doctor appointments, and more…. this is our beautiful aytpical journey. I am so grateful.
By the way, do you think we should find out gender or not?
So, there is a nearly half way update! Thank you for praying for us!