He Spared My Son

by GfG on June 27, 2008 · 12 comments

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I sit here before my computer screen wondering how to tell you this. How to share with you something that has affected me to the deepest part of my soul. Something that rocked me to the core and is still doing so. I feel you need to know for several reasons: 1) you care about our lives 2) I may not be ‘normal’ for quite awhile and, for my IRL friends, knowing why may help 3) you can pray for me and my family

Last night my world came crashing to a halt. Wee Babe almost died.

I found him with part of a blanket over his face. He had vomited. He was incredibly pale and his eyes stared straight ahead. He was only grunting. It was like I could feel the nearness of death in the room. Since HB and I both had found him in this state, we both began screaming. I sent her to go get her dad. She left, near hysteria.

As I paced in the living room pounding Wee Babe on the back and crying, almost all knowledge of how to treat a baby who is choking evaporated. All I could think of was pounding the back and getting him to breathe better. He was technically breathing. I knew this because he was making little grunting sounds. But his eyes were not focused and he would not respond to me. I honestly thought he was past the point of any choking treatments. I was calm enough to talk to the 911 operator, but just barely. Finally, his dad got here and took over the rescue of our son. At that point, I lost it.

Let me tell you that any movie you have seen, any book you have read, or any play you have watched does not convey the true hysteria a woman displays when she thinks her child has or is dying. Not one. The pain and fear and panic and hopelessness I felt to the very core of my being screamed to God. I fell on the ground. I prayed aloud, “Dear God, spare my son.” Over and over. Louder and louder. I truly felt like it was to the point that my sweet, precious baby was going to die and only a move of mercy would spare his life. I begged for it. I’ve never been in that place where I saw that something was almost inevitable and I was beseeching with all my strength for it not to happen. It felt like I was begging for my life.

My Sweetie asked me to go wait outside for the ambulance. I screamed. I wept. I paced. I wondered what was taking them so long. I shouted. I was scared to go back into the house because I feared my husband was going to have to tell me that my son was gone. It felt like I was out there for eternity.

When a truck pulled up I shouted, “Where’s the ambulance? We need an ambulance!”
He calmly told me they were on the way, but he was the First Responder (TFR) and was closer, so he came.
All I could say to him over and over was that we needed oxygen and he needed to get my baby breathing better. He was sooo calm. He told me that he had brought oxygen and for me to take him to the baby.
I did.
TFR talked to My Sweetie, who calmly told him all he had been doing. I heard the words: lethargic, unresponsive, shallow breathing, aspirated… TFR encouraged My Sweetie saying that he had been doing everything right and that the baby looked really good. I didn’t believe him. He gave him “blow by oxygen” while holding him.
Then the ambulance got there. The ENTs were calm. They looked over Wee Babe, calling him by name. Confirming that he now looked very good. Derek (one of the EMTs) talked me down. He showed me that Wee Babe’s coloring was good. He showed me that Wee Babe was now focusing on things and moving some. He showed me that he was breathing on his own. Then he told me that *I* needed to take a deep breath. I was starting to feel a tiny bit of hope that my son might live. Finally, after listening to My Sweetie, TFR and the EMTs, I realized he had been spared.

Then I immediately became concerned with his neurological health. During the ambulance ride to the hospital, Derek continued to show me the all the ‘good’ things Wee Babe was displaying. But all I could see was that he was not responding normally. He was not reacting like his typical self. I was scared he was brain damaged.

Not until we had been in the ER for ten minutes or so, did Wee Babe seem to become himself again. I finally realized that his life had been completely spared. All of it.

After Wee Babe had been declared ‘fine’, we transferred to the hospital our doctor practices in. We spent the night for observation and to get a second Xray this morning (aspiration sometimes does not show up on Xrays until later).

Dr. R declared him just fine. Dr. Mole (who came to the hospital at midnight) declared him perfect and said, “I’m not worried about this baby at all. He’s just great.” She came again this afternoon before we went home from the hospital to doubly confirm her belief for me. She also brought me an apnea monitor, a video monitor and an incline pad for Wee Babe (she says these are all gifts for my peace of mind, not for necessity).

So, now we are home. Wee Babe is fine. He is great.

His mom is a mess. Over and over in my mind, the first ten minutes of the horror story replay in my mind. I see his face looking like death. I see him slipping away. While I know he is now fine, I can’t seem to get past the truth that he almost left us.

I thought the last two years of trials have been overwhelming, but they were nothing compared to the horror I walked through last night.

The children seem to be doing fine. HB is doing well. A wonderful counselor was here with her last night and really ministered to her. We have talked several times today about things. She is doing pretty well. The others are just happy Wee Babe is fine and we are all home. Papalou stayed the night and day with them and he is a calming presence for them. Two dear friends came to be with us (one at each hospital plus Dr. Mole and Mr. Mole) and their presence was like a balm.

Praise God with me. Send up a prayer of thanks for the mercy he showed our family last night. He moved His hand and it saved my son’s life. The psalm that ran through my head in the ambulance over and over was “When I am afraid I will trust in you, in God whose word I praise”.

And I could use prayer for my emotional healing for this time. I know that only God can do this for me. I trust He will.

because

He spared my son. I’m beyond grateful.

 

{edited Nov 2012:  If you are just reading this and don’t know the back story, Wee Babe almost died at birth and was life flighted to a hospital, put on a ventilator, sedated for almost a week into a no movement, and was in the NICU for 17 days.  Also, my mother died from aspiration a bit over five months from this incident, making the moment all too familiar.

I am not fully healed from this.  I still start crying when reading this or remembering this horrific first ten minutes and I can still break out into a cold sweat, wide eyed with fear if I think a child of mine is choking, aspirating, or their airway is closing, but I’m much better than I was that first year.  I trust God to continue to heal me.  To Him be the glory!}

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

cajungal01 June 27, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Oh my sweet sweet Sister. I love you dearly and it breaks my heart to even try to understand your pain. I will tell you again and again that there are NO WHAT IFS. There is no doubt. while we may not be able to see why God planned this, we can trust that it was and is for His good. I completely believe that He has been preparing you for someone else. Someone that someday will go through fires that nobody else may be able to help them reach out to the Lord for. But you will. He is preparing you.
just as Wee Babe is fine, you will be too. I will pray and believe that God can and will take those images from your mind. You are an amazing woman, an amazing mom. You will be fine, even better than fine.
I am so glad WeeBabe is fully recovered.
I can already picture future discussions with him and his friends around and you starting the speech that he will hear again and again… “let me just TELL YOU how we almost lost you, MORE than once!” He will roll his eyes and we will all grin.
:0)
love you!

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Beach June 27, 2008 at 10:57 pm

Oh My Lord!!!!! I am blown away….I could not believe this as I was reading it. I am horrified for you and can only imagine what going through all of that must have done to you all. If you need another friend….to talk to I am here for you girlfriend don’t hesitate to call on me. I wish I could give you a big ole hug!!!! Hugs to you, Heather S.

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Sara June 28, 2008 at 12:04 am

Not much brings me to tears – but this did it! Every mother’s greatest fear.

PRAISE our EXCELLENT CREATOR that He sent you to check Wee Babe when He did!

And so you know – I’m with yer sis on this one… We just don’t know why, but there is NO DOUBT that if WE could see the “script” and how it all plays out we’d chose God’s way no matter what – it’s always the best. Everything He brings us to, He brings us through. How wonderfully equipped for all sorts of ministry you are becoming!

Any time, any place, just holler!
Prayers continue. I’ve still got your creamy crutch in my freezer if you need it ;0)

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Leslie June 28, 2008 at 12:55 am

What a story! PTL that He chose to spare your son!

Had your little one had vaccinations recently, or is the bandage from the abx he got at the hospital the other day? I’m curious if there is a vax link if that’s what it was… either way, I am praying for sweet rest for you tonight, and healing for your little boy!

Leslie/NUOY

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Heather Mitchell June 28, 2008 at 6:39 am

I praise Almighty God for sparing you the pain of losing your son!

I praise Him for the work He is doing in you. It seems the Holy Spirit is renovating His quarters inside you. It is ground shaking. I can only imagine the depths of that night’s terror.

I praise God that once again He showed you His loving provision through all these people johnny-on-the-spot. Nothing has taken God by surprise.

I love you and am praying for you!

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Jan June 28, 2008 at 7:43 am

Oh sweetie…where to start? First…praise God. Second, poor baby (you, momma). I’m so sorry you had to experience that incredible fear…that pain. As God would have it, I have a very healing exercise for post-traumatic stress….

For a long time I was unable to get over “the hospital” time with Chuck…all my memories were of his pain and suffering. The deal is to find a safe place to relive your scariest moment…and to do it for no longer than 15 minutes. Otherwise, it hangs…and stays…your mind trying to find a place to put the traumatic memory b/c they are not stored like regular memories. The deal is to make it what it was…a brief moment…another of your millions of memories.

Want tips, let me know. God brought tons of healing to me through sitting with him…reliving it…then letting it go eventually. Now my hospital memories are still painful…but not debilitating.

I love you. Thank you Lord Jesus. Thank you.

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P.S. He loves you... June 28, 2008 at 8:37 am

I have a relieved and grateful heart to the Father for hearing your cry and answering you at that very moment.

This is very powerful stuff to have to go through in which we are able to do so only through Christ who gives us strength in these trails.
For myself it’s like seeing mircles in the Word replayed.

Giving Thanks for Wee Babe and his momma’s faith.

You’ll find the more you talk/share/minister to others of t this it will help you.
No doubt you can see we are all here to listen and tesitfy to it.

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Mandi June 28, 2008 at 9:32 am

I have no words as I sit her crying from the overwhelming emotions of your story. Praise the Lord, and may He give you peace.

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Faithful June 28, 2008 at 7:28 pm

Oh M! I am so grateful that he is just fine. I wish I were their, I wish I could have been of some help. I totally understand what that feels like (James and Isabelle’s lives) and it is going to be something you will thank God for EVERYDAY for the rest of your life.
Please take some time to heal yourself, you need it. I love you and I am Praising God for is the son that he spared for you.

In Christ

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Sarah June 28, 2008 at 10:17 pm

I just read about your dear son and of your terror … I have never been that close to it but just tonight I was afraid I my 5 month old had been seriously injured in a fall … anyway, she’s fine, praise God. I was so afraid and that was a mere fraction of what you must have felt.

I feel strongly that I should say that God is NOT causing these events to stregthen you or refine you, or whatever. God ONLY gives good and wonderful things. You would never consider harming your child to “teach” them something, and neither is God going to do that to you. God did NOT and does not plan for awful things to happen to His people. Yes, good can come out of any situation because of His goodness and mercy but He does not set out to hurt us for our good.

I will be praying for you – I don’t even know you but I feel for you. Jesus is our peace, and Jesus is IN you. May you feel His peace upon you today! And may we ALL hug our dear children more tightly every day!

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Faithful June 29, 2008 at 1:34 pm

PS Just thought of you today and all yor emotions you must still be sorting out and wanted to say
GOD LOVES YOU!
GOD LOVES WEE BABE!
and We Love You Guys TOO!

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Grateful for Grace June 30, 2008 at 12:05 am

Sarah- thank you for caring. Thank you for encouraging me. We may not see things totally the same doctrinally, but we both agree that Jesus is the One who can bring me peace! I’m leaning on Him!

In Christ,
GfG

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