I want to clarify a point I made in one of my most recent posts (Don’t Marry That): choosing poorly in a spouse makes for a very difficult marriage and often leads to divorce. This is not honoring to God. Divorce is very, very serious and Biblcally should occur in only two situations (sexual immorality and when a non-Believer leaves a Believer). There are a plethora of reasons why divorce is bad, but suffice it to say it’s a very painful experience that breaks hearts, including the LORD’s.
So, do not date men who have serious characters flaws. Just don’t. I went over a few I’ve seen as of late in that post. If your heart has been given to a man who has these problems, take it back and go heal. God can and will refresh you.
That being said, I want to make another point: that post was for women who are dating (possibly even engaged), NOT for married women.
If you are married to a man with a lying problem, with a porn problem, with a control problem or with a rage/anger problem, then you should seek Biblical counsel, you should NOT divorce. These reasons are not Biblical grounds for divorce. They are Biblical grounds for seeking help from godly, loving Christians, including your elders.
A marriage can be healed from these serious problems, but it usually takes a lot of work, a lot of time and a lot of heartache. The Holy Spirit must, I mean, must lead this healing. Anything else is a band-aid, temporary in nature and effect.
Have I seen a marriage recover from any of these ungodly and destructive character flaws in a man? Yes, yes, I have. It was a beautiful work of the LORD. Truly. Within one year a couple went from abuse to pregnancy with seriously amazing love and relational connection, only because the LORD led the healing and used His Word to “teach, correct, reproof and train” the man and the lady as they committed to saving their marriage. They worked hard and God did an amazing work. Admittedly, it was unusual in speed of healing, but I give credit to their commitment to heal/reconcile and God’s special blessing.
If you are married, you are supposed to stay married. Even if you don’t like your husband. Even if you don’t admire your husband. Even if you have come to hate (which is sin, by the way) your husband.
That is why I shared the destructive character flaws that a woman should flee from in a suitor.
Have I seen a marriage last with one of these character flaws in a man? Yes, yes, I have. It’s both heartbreaking and inspiring to watch. I know a woman who is committed to her marriage despite her husband’s serious sin. She chooses (sometimes hour by hour) to honor the LORD in how she responds to her husband, how she deals with his sin and how she loves him. I often weep for her. She would be the first to tell you to flee from these issues in a man before you marry him.
Choose wisely, ladies, whom you marry. Then stay that way.