Don’t Marry That Part 2

by GfG on October 24, 2011 · 1 comment

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Who you marry is pretty big deal.   I’ve mentioned that truth before.

In my post, Don’t Marry That, I shared a bit of what I’ve seen recently.  I wanted to revisit that post from a different angle.

While I have never been in a situation of loving a man with any of the problems I addressed in that post, I have loved a man who was not healthy for me.  We had a relationship that was not built on God’s standards on any other good standards.  I was young.  So was he.  I was convinced that no one else would love me because of poor choices I had made with that young man, so I became fearfully dependant on him.  Never a good thing.

I am extremely grateful that God intervened one day, by pressing on my heart that I needed to get out.  I clearly remember the day I sat in my car outside his home.  I was coming to tell him goodbye as I left for camp that summer.  He was leaving a week later to work at a camp twenty minutes away from mine.   I sat there crying and told God, “I know I need to not be with him, but I can’t do it.  I simply am not strong enough.  You’re going to have to do it.”  I drove from Louisiana to Texas that day, feeling heavy of heart.

Guess what.  God did do it.  That young man, whom I was actually engaged to, just so you know I am serious about leaving up to the point of marriage, arrived at his camp a week later and proceeded to not call for three days.  First weird sign.  More followed.  I was heartbroken, but stunned that God really was doing it for me.  I waited.  He ended up making it both easy to do as well as strengthening me to take the step necessary.  I’ll share more about the beauty of God’s hand in that experience another time, but I want you to know, reader who may be wavering on this topic, I know it’s difficult to stop loving someone.  I know.

So does God.

While I am still firm in my resolve to admonish women to not share their hearts, beds or lives with men who have the problems mentioned in that post, I want you to know that I do not consider it an easy task to seperate from a man if you are already loving him.  Making the wise decision to leave a man (before you marry him, to just remind you that the post was pre-marital advice) will not be easy.

Your heart will ache.  Your spirit will sag.  Your life will be disrupted.

Often, it will require leaving the area or at the very least, leaving common circles of acquaintance.  These are never, ever easy things.

I do not make light of them.

If you are hurting because you saw that you needed to make a tough decision and you left, please contact me and ask for prayer.  I will gladly pray for you.  Please know that I believe God will reward your wisdom.  While you heal, cast your anxieties on Him.

If you are hurting because you know you are in a bad relationship, but you are too scared to leave, same gig: contact me and I will pray for you.

If you have walked away from a relationship that was unhealthy, would you consider leaving a comment of encouragement to readers?

Ladies, know that God loves you and wants His best for you.  Walk away from a man with serious problems and trust God. 


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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Thyme October 24, 2011 at 11:57 pm

I love these posts that you do! You are truly gifted at bringing up difficult topics!

When I was young I loved a man who was not healthy for me. It was a horrible relationship. We dated during high school. Several months after our boundaries changed and we both changed schools I met this very handsome senior boy (I was a freshmen) who was the sweetest guy I’d ever met! He was nice to everyone, he was funny, and when I spent time with him (even just walking to Subway during lunch hour) I was just shocked at what a great guy he was. I attended a family dinner at his house while we were working on a theatre project together and when he left to drive me home he gave his mother a big hug and told her he loved her before he even grabbed his keys. In fact, he went looking for her before he left! I think I fell in love with him right then 😉 It made me realize that I deserved to be treated better than how the guy I was dating was treating me, and so I walked away from that guy.

Needless to say, 3 years later I married the wonderful man mentioned above, and we have 2.5 great kids, and if it weren’t for him I don’t think my life would be as wonderful as it is today, and I don’t think I would have found my church if he wasn’t apart of it, I probably would have continued throughout life with no religion at all. Sometimes God works subtly, when it is needed, and is way too patient with us 😉

I ran into that man I dated all those years ago, about a month after Audrey was born. And I realized just how miserable my life would be if I hadn’t met my husband and been able to walk away from this other guy.


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