Something amiss in our culture has recently come to light. As in, a light bulb over my head kind of come to light.
It’s the lie that women should look twenty years old for at least thirty years. It’s ridiculous really.
We do not want wrinkles, gray hair, sagging anything, or any other sign of the fact that we have lived life for forty years or more. It’s considered a compliment to look much younger than we actually are.
Doesn’t seem that bad, until you realize the problem it’s creating: women are refusing to accept their season of life.
The Bible talks about older women teaching the younger women, but no one wants to be the older women until absolutely necessary.
When women refuse to accept the signs of growing older on their bodies, it usually transfers to other areas of life. They often act like they are twenty. They dress like they are twenty. They think like they are twenty.
All of this conveys a message that growing older is bad and should be avoided.
I am not exempt from believing some aspects of this lie. For example, I just love it when a photo is good enough that it doesn’t show the bags under my eyes or the tightness of my skin on my neck and those are the ones that usually make it to my Facebook page. ;-) Whenever I see an older woman whose chin or neck are not saggy and whose eyes are tight, I think, “Wow, she looks GREAT! I wonder how she has done that?”
BUT… I have been asking God to change my mindset. And He is doing so.
While I still dislike the bags under my eyes and the sagginess in parts of my body, I am embracing the signs of entering a new season of being an older woman. I want to grow old gracefully and that must include accepting the changes an aging body brings.
My friend Jan and I had a conversation about this awhile back and she mentioned how difficult it is to find women with gray hair. It really is challenging to find a gray haired woman unless she’s over seventy.
Don’t believe me? Start looking. Even though the Bible says gray hair is a sign of wisdom, we act like we don’t have it. We certainly don’t want it. I’m guilty of plucking gray hairs right off the top of my head in the past.
I think this reflects the lies we are believing: it’s bad to get older and it’s really bad to look like you are getting older.
Research shows that the average cosmetic surgery patient is a married, college- educated, employed mother. While it’s sadly true that teenagers are having surgeries that break my heart, that’s another issue for another time. Most of the women seeking to change their appearance are women who are growing older and are not happy about it. Why are they not happy about it? Why don’t they want to get or look older? Why don’t we?
I enjoy time with older and wiser women. Seriously. My life has been blessed by spending time with older women. Older women who have walked down this path of like, path of faith and path of mothering longer than I have and care to share their experience with me . It’s a huge blessing.
If we all act like we are not older, how will the younger women know who to seek guidance from on their journey? If we dress, act and think like we are twenty, instead of embracing what God has taught us in our forty/fifty years, how will others glean? Why would they want to glean wisdom from someone not showing evidence of wisdom… or would women only seek advice on how to keep from growing and looking older?
Let’s admit that there are real perks to growing older. Let’s accept our season of life. Let’s fight the lies.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I am always the “baby” in every group setting I find myself in. Everyone I spend my time with is usually at least 5 years older than I am (most being 10 years older.) People my own age bore me
I am extremely tiny, and fairly young. And to make things worse I am constantly asked if my children are mine, or if I am babysitting, and then told that I look 12. When I take offense (as I always do) I am told that it is a compliment. Being told that you look 12 is never a compliment.
When I age, I want to look like my Nana. She has the most gorgeous gray hair in the world. It’s not grey, it’s silver, and it’s all wispy and looks amazing next to her black hair.
A lot of surgeries are also being done to women who have children, because they want to hide what nature has done to their bodies as they were blessed with children. My mother has often said that she stopped having children after 3 kids, because she didn’t want to look like her mother. I say that if I end up looking like my (beautiful, plump) Nana that it will be because I have been so blessed to carry and have my children, and that they are more than worth it.
Yes! Thanks for bringing up the denial of mothering on a body. Instead of adding it, I’m going to do a whole different post on it.
I have been where you are and it’s annoying. When I turned 30, I liked it.
Now I hear you and I appreciate you bringing up this side of it. I will work on it. There is a sweet mom in our homeschool group who looks very very young and we all call her the teenage mom. I will stop that now.
I have been there in not wanting the badges of motherhood on the body. I know it’s difficult, truly. We are battling an entire culture of perverted body image regarding women. It’s not easy to go against the flow.
It’s not nearly so bad when it’s people you know. My husband and I joke about it often, as do my mother and myself. My biggest problem is when people I don’t know come up to me in stores when I’m with my children, and literally tell me I look 12. (The number is ALWAYS 12 too, not 13, not 11, always TWELVE. And it’s been 12 since I was 16. )Or they ask, “Didn’t you learn your lesson the FIRST time?” Being told you look young is a compliment, it’s just not a compliment when someone says you look like a preteen with 2.5
Have you ever read this blog post? AMAZING. It’s about motherhood, LOVE IT.
I absolutely agree with you! I so wish more women would act their age. I was never into makeup and stuff, so i can’t really claim that I don’t wear it as some kind of statement. I can’t stand the idea of needing to “mask” myself every morning. (Just my opinion – no offense intended to those who cometicize!
)
As for grey hair, I’m developing my fair share, and I’m only 33. I chalk it up to having four boys. And I’m not coloring it! Ever. This is me…grey hair, poochy tummy, baggy eyes (some days!). Life is real and so am I!
Great post!
I just saw your blog at the Homeschool Blog Awards and decided to come check you out. You ahve a beautiful family & I love the flow of your blog.
I am your newest reader and would love for you to follow me back, if you want to =-)
Beth
Wow! I didn’t know I was nominated. Very fun! Thanks for stopping by here. I look forward to hearing from you more.
I agree! My church has a lovely program called Mentoring Moms which pairs small groups of moms with young children with older moms that have raised their families. It is lovely to see the wise woman mentor the new(ish) moms.
Brooke I would love to be in a church like that. We do have a foster Grandma that comes to our house. She stops when it becomes flu season as she has COPD” I am thinking of looking for another as I think I could benefit from a Grandma being that my mom is not around and I have no Grandma.
Brooke I would love to be in a church like that. We do have a foster Grandma that comes to our house. She stops when it becomes flu season as she has COPD” I am thinking asking for another while she is gone for the winter as I think I would love another Grandma being that my mom is not around and I have no other Grandma.
Our church had a women’s ministry for many years like that. It really blessed me.
You will see me fully embrace every one of my grey hairs!!
Thank you for asking God to change your mindset on this. I wish more women would! I am 28 years old I think that it would be so much easier to accept the changes I can already see beginning to happen if women who’ve come out on the other side of those changes EMBRACED them. Then it would be something for my generation to look forward to and not dread. (Remember how we all desired breasts at one point or another because women embraced them?! Had they all hated them we would’ve dreaded their onset. If older women embrace wrinkles and grays maybe younger women will look forward to those too!)
Thank you for chiming in here! The other women my age need to hear this.
What a wonderful post! And, I echo every word that Thyme spoke. The same has happened to me all.my.life. and it gets old. Now with a teen I’m asked if I’m his older sister. Or stared at in disbelief when I say I have 3 boys, and one is 14.
Ditto too the desire to be rid of all signs of motherhood. That’s the particular area I’m working on now, accepting that my belly will always pooch some and will never be as flat as a 17 yr old’s belly, ever again. Because I had three boys. Who I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.
Anyway, yes, lovely lovely post. I love what The Momma @ Straightened… said, too; she’s right. We need to embrace it.
I have so missed your sweet words, friend. So glad to be back!
This topic is near and dear to my heart. Where to start? First, with the blessing of older women. I lost my mom when I was 20, and she was a mere 42. For my entire adult-life, I have longed for the comfort and peace found only in the company of older women. In my 30′s I participated in a 3-year program in which an older women mentored me and a small group of younger women. That program, and my beautiful mentor, blessed my life immeasureably. She showed me how to be a godly wife and mother. Probably because I experienced such wonderful guidance and support, I’ve LONGED to be the one…and now, at the age of 40, I am. I went to my church not long ago and asked, “Hey, are there any young women around here in need of a mentor?” Plus, I have been blessed with a dear cousin who is 24 (sooo young!), and we meet monthly. If you have any life experience under your belt, I promise you there is some younger woman out there who is HUNGRY for your guidance.
Now, as for prolonging our youth – that is a cultural craze right now. Notice how adolescence is being prolonged both for men and women? “Recent findings published by the American Sociological Association and based on U.S. Census data show a sharp decline in the percentage of young adults who have finished school, left home, gotten married, had a child and reached financial independence, considered typical standards of adulthood. In 2000, 46% of women and 31% of men had reached those markers by age 30, vs. 77% of women and 65% of men at the same age in 1960.” (USATODAY.com)
Yada, yada, yada. All this to say, older women are a blessing. Scripture acknowledges that. The world does not. Which “truth” will you embrace? As for me and my heart, we will embrace the beauties and blessings of aging.
I really appreciate your posts. You are speaking such truth and presenting the obvious that I am neglecting to see. I am 33 and I am beginning to notice age creeping up on my body, but you have brought it back to the biblical. As I age, I pray God’s grace will allow me to not get tricked into the worlds view of age.
Speaking of wise women, I know so few- really maybe 1 or 2 and they do not leave near me. The older women I do know are sweet and kind but do not see their ministry to other women aside from general hospitality- there is no discipleship. It is very sad, but I am thankful for blogs like yours. It helps to fill that gap missing in our local churches. Your blog has really encouraged me, especially since I know so few with larger families to glean wisdom from- and that’s a whole other topic
Thanks for the wisdom and encouragement you share.
Shana,
Your words touched and encouraged me. Thank you. Seriously.
Yes, there is a real shortage of wise women with large families, but I’m praying more get added to the fold.
blessings!
I love this post. I wish more women had your perspective. You hit it right on the head and enjoyed this very much.
I have always looked younger than I am. I am thin and very short with olive skin so my age just doesn’t show very well. And like Thyme, I get asked if I am a lot younger than I really am. I do not get 12 but I do get 16. And with a 5 yr old, that’s just weird, lol.
I am only 25 but I have vowed since I was a teenager to never dye my hair, that I will age with grace. I don’t like being called young, though I am. I do not enjoy being the youngest, by an average of 7 years, of all my friends. But women my age just want to focus on their outward beauty instead of the inner beauty, the heart, which is what God looks on.
I do not understand why a woman would look in the mirror and say I hate my hair, my wrinkles, my skin, stomach. I was there once and it made me miserable. I even had a gym membership to get rid of what my first pregnancy did to me. Then one day I woke up and said, I am paying to get rid of what I am trying to do again! Moms don’t always have a flat stomach, we have stretch marks and if nurse, other things change! I look at the cost of the stretch mark creams and the wrinkle creams and the cover up and the so on and so forth and think… I am saving SO much money, lol.
I don’t generally wear make up, I don’t spend more than 10 min on my hair (I have very crazy curly hair so I must put something in it or I will look like Ronald McDonald, lol) but I do try to make myself presentable, just not the center of attention. I truly wish more women and teenage girls would just understand beauty is vain, meaning empty. But wisdom, that is everything. We should be trying to get more of than and less wrinkle cream.