Have you ever crashed a wedding? a family reunion? a birthday party? That’s a lot like how it can feel when visiting a church for the first time. Or first eight.
Ugh, it can be really uncomfortable visiting a church. It feels like everyone there knows each other (even though that’s irrational) and is ignoring you even though you have sneaked in somehow (nothing rational about it, I know)
Today, I want to encourage an important part of corporate worship: greeting visitors.
After eighteen years at the same church, one of the toughest parts of our move was finding a new church home. We still feel new there and a bit unconnected because it takes awhile for relationships to be made. We have two precious family friends at this church, thankfully, but feeling a part of the congregation takes more time than that.
I believe that we are called to more than just sit next to people on Sunday morning, but instead we are to develop a community within the church we attend. When someone visits a community, they are noticed. Or at least they should be. And that deserves recognition.
When visiting a church, being greeted by others can make a huge difference. Huge. Humongous. Gigantic.
So much so that sometimes people stop coming. If they aren’t greeted the first time, they hate it, but usually risk attending again. If they aren’t personally welcomed the second time, it doesn’t bode well. Third time, usually they try a different church. (these stats are from Mindy Brouse, professor of church visitor stats)
I know that shyness (not to be confused with introvertedness) is a hindrance to greeting visitors.
I know that discomfort (not to be confused with actual pain) is a hindrance to starting a conversation with strangers.
I know that unfamiliarity with a person (not knowing if they are a visitor or not) is an hindrance for church introductions.
BUT I also know what it feels like to sit in a church body during corporate worship and feel out of place. Sadly, I also know what it’s like to not be greeted by others.
That just shouldn’t be so within the Body of Christ.
We have to step outside ourselves, our selfishness, to extend a loving hand to our brothers and sisters in Christ (and we should assume they are so, until we hear otherwise).
They have come to worship with us.
Let’s risk introducing ourselves to another member. I’ve actually done that. The woman was pretty snippy saying, “I’ve been going here for six months!” I just smiled and said, “Well, do you know my name?” She didn’t and I just explained, “It’s hard to meet people sometimes. I’m glad you’re here!” Learning more members’ names isn’t a bad thing.
Let’s risk sounding uncomfortable. As a person who has visited churches several times now, let me say that I’d rather an awkward greeting than none at all. If you are shy, then make it brief. Even consider having a little script of some kind. Just smile, ask their names, say something about being glad they are there, and get some contact information.
Let’s risk making someone’s day. Most church members can name the first people who greeted them. They can certainly recall the first families to have them over for dinner or lunch. I know it’s not easy to invite strangers into your home, but consider it. At the very least, get their phone number to meet somewhere for coffee or park, if they have kiddos (more on this next week).
You are important to visitors because you are the face of the church. You are the hands and feet of Christ. Be the one who makes a difference in a visitor’s life!
Greet, chat with, and even reach out to a visitor (or a few) at church today! Can you name who the first people who connected with you were?
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Jackson Moss…love that man. He greeted me and Chuck the first time we visited our church of (??) years. He remembered our names the second time, and the third, and the fourth…and always made a big deal out of coming over to us and talking to us. Love that man to this day.
As far as being a visitor…I gotta put responsibility where it belongs…with the visitor. I know, I’m a meany that way. If I’m the new person, I go out of my way to introduce myself…let people know I am new and try to get connected. Eh, I feel the responsibility is on my shoulders. Of course, someone like Jackson Moss is a HUGE blessing! So, yes, we need to look for people we don’t know…even if they’ve been coming to the church for months…or years…just nice to meet new folks. BUT, if I’m the newby, I follow the same idea…I take the first step…and always appreciate when others do the same for me, “Hi. I’m ___ and I’m new here.”
Some tips…if someone is new, I try to get them hooked up a.s.a.p. Take them to the visitors desk after service…give them my phone number for questions about the church…invite them to our life group.
Well, I lovingly disagree. I don’t think the responsibility is where it belongs- on the visitor.
I do agree that visitors have to reach out and try, of course. I will be sharing on that later, but I’m glad you mentioned it now. It’s worth stating.
I do believe it’s equal. When we visited, we jumped in full blown. Found the community groups and went. Found the Bible study and went. Shook hands and such. Even invited people over for dinners and play dates.
Yet, when you are the new person, you are the one trying to find your way in a large group. When you are the member, you should be able to see who the new people are and welcome them. Embrace them, even. Welcome them to your church home by extending the hand of grace.
Leaving it all to the visitor is selfish and unloving, in my opinion.
Yeah, I don’t think I said that right. What I’m trying to say, is that I always think it’s my responsibility…whether I’m the visitor or the member…simply because we are always in the position of coming upon people we don’t know…at least in a church my size. I think it’s always loving to be the one to take the first step.
Ah, ok!!
That makes sense to me.
Completely agree Mindy!
Having moved several times in my life since I am the daughter of a Marine and am also an Air Force wife, I have had the distinct pleasure of being the “new girl” so many times, and at so many churches, social gatherings, school/work settings that I have lost count. This last move was very recent – we have been here just about 6 months and thankfully this is the warmest reception I have ever known. What a difference!
Being a visitor can be a very painful experience when you are ignored, overlooked, slighted, or sometimes even resented. For our part, we have always tried to be friendly and outgoing, without being overbearing. But that only takes you so far. When you are not invited to be a part of the the social life, the community aspect of a church, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
We have stepped up and volunteered and served in churches that have gratefully accepted our time and tithe, but not invited us to dinner, or to coffee, or to be a part of their lives. And we have stayed in those places because we felt that where the LORD called us to be and He has grown us in many ways in these various bodies. When we serve the church, we serve the LORD, not in order to “get our names out” there so we would not go back and do things any differently. But there is nothing that takes the place of a warm smile, someone who wants to know you, and people who (though they already have lots of friends) are willing to make room in their schedules and lives for more. There is no way to build real community in a church without opening your arms and hearts to visitors and newcomers.
Britta,
I just love your comment (and a big part of it is next week’s post) for many reasons.
Thanks for chiming in and sharing!
I love this post. It is something that is discussed a lot in my church. We really are interested in making sure that all feel welcome. It is easy to get into our comfort zones and forget that others can easily feel left out or excluded.
When I do feel brave and try to greet someone I don’t know, I have learned to say “Hi, I am Heather, I have not met you yet.” That usually works well for anyone that I am greeting. (Less offensive to those that have been coming for a while!)
I definitly need a lot more work in this area and I really appreciate you bringing this to light Mindy. It makes me reflect on my actions and to realize that I need to step it up!
Oh, Heather, I love that. It’s appropriate, true, and still so friendly: “Hi, I’m Mindy. I haven’t met you that.”
Thank you for sharing! I’m always blessed by your input.
Such a great post! So very, very true. I’ve been the visitor more times than I can count, and it is just so welcoming to have someone actually smile at you, say Hi, etc. We’ve experienced all extremes — been faithful members & volunteers, even attending small groups, for years and yet not had a single member call or visit when our son was in the hospital.
All the way to being brand new attendees, only there for perhaps a month or six weeks, and have several-times-a-week meal delivery when I went on bed rest. Even being able to call on the pastor to sit with our boys when later I went in to deliver the 3rd little guy 9 weeks early.
Those welcoming souls at the latter example set the bar high for any church we ever attend in the future. I hope I’m that kind of church member, not the former.