So, Here’s the Deal About Losing A Mama

by GfG on January 24, 2014 · 6 comments

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Tomorrow I celebrate my mom’s death by shoe shopping.  I know, not normal.  And a bit weird to celebrate a death.

Here’s the deal, though. I can celebrate my mom’s death because she invested her life in me (and others, of course, I’m not that self centered).  It wouldn’t be much of a celebration if I didn’t love her so much, if she didn’t love me so much, and if I wasn’t confident that I will see her again in heaven.

I do believe all of those things though, so I can celebrate.

Me Mom Robin WEB

In these last six years, I have met many women who have lost their moms.  It’s a club almost everyone joins eventually, but until you join it, you don’t fully grasp all it means.

The look in the eyes of the women who know my grief brings me tears every single time.  I feel like they see my heart and recognize it because it so resembles their own.  We usually hug and don’t have to say much.  We often cry, hug, and talk a bit our our stories.

I have found some amazing commonalities about losing your mama.

1.  We are never ready to lose our mamas.  No matter how sick your mom is and you wish the suffering to end, your heart is never fully ready to not have her.  It’s just truth.  I prayed shortly before my mom’s death (a few days, if I recall.. possibly a week or two) for the LORD to take her because it was clear she was headed for suffering and she was already gone a lot mentally.  We were watching her slip away and I feared that she was suffering emotionally and mentally.

Still, when He did take her, I wailed.  I was a wreck.  I will never forget sitting in the Navigator next to my dear friend Jenna when my sister told me on the phone that Mom was gone.  There is a part of your heart that just cracks.  I was grateful she wasn’t suffering and wouldn’t waste slowly away, but… I didn’t want her gone.

2.  We are never old enough to not have a mama.  I was only thirty-seven when I started life without a mom and that felt much, much too young.  Truly.  Sure, I had five children and one due just months from then, but I didn’t feel old enough to do life without a mother by my side.

I find that everyone feels the same way, no matter the age.  Mothers are like light houses for their children and we never fully feel comfortable without them.

3.  We never stop missing our mama.  My grief was raw the first months, for sure.  Yet, even as the months and years grew between my mother and me, the amount that I missed her didn’t change.  I still want to ask her questions often.  I want to talk to her.  I want her to hug me.  That just never stops or even decreases.

A dear friend’s mother told me, “Mindy, I lost my mom over thirty years ago and I still miss her tremendously.”  When you have a mama who loves you, invests in you, and is your fan, you never, ever stop missing that.

4. We miss our mama even if we weren’t best friends.  My mom didn’t understand a lot about me.  We weren’t best friends or anything like that.  We didn’t click in many ways. None of that kept me or keeps me from bearing pain that was crushing, that became bearable, and now feels like a part of me that will never go away.

None of that keeps me from wishing that I could have just minutes every year to hear her voice again or to see her sweet face.  I loved her like crazy and her me, even with our differences.

5.  We can’t fill the mama hole in our heart.  Some women are blessed with amazing mother in laws or step moms, yet they tell me that those special and beautiful women don’t fill the gap left by a missing mother.  They are grateful for the love and realize the gifts they have, but the space left by their mom just stays there.  No one can take her place.

I have heard again and again how this is true for everyone I know who has lost their mother.   They hesitated to say it because they didn’t want to hurt the other precious women in their lives, but they still believed it to be true.

I don’t mean that God can’t heal and fill a gaping wound with love, mercy, and healing.  Oh, He can!  I just mean that that space or position in your heart is always for your mama.

Mindy and Mom WEB

6.  We appreciate our mom even more after we lose her.  It is just true that when we lose something, we appreciate it more.  Even if you fully appreciate your mom, that appreciation will multiply after you are on your own in that area.  All of the little ways that she blessed you will glow like stars and all of the amazing ways she blessed you will bring you to tears and flood your heart with gratitude.

I have heard again and again from women without their mamas that the depth of their appreciation astounded them and often convicted them.  I regret that I didn’t show my mom enough appreciation while I had her and that hurts sometimes.

Still everyone says that the loss makes the love easier to see.   In every nook and cranny of your life.


I share this little list with you for a few reasons:

~ I want you to pray for and minister to the friends in your life who have lost their mama.  Their pain is there, even if they don’t talk about it.

~ I want you to cherish the time you have with your mama.  Connect with her any way you can.  Affirm her and tell her how much you appreciate her.

~ I want you to be challenged to do your best, but also give yourself grace if you are a mama.  The gift of this job called Mom just can’t be replaced or fully described.  Know that your children love you.  And always will. You are irreplaceable in their hearts.

All of these truths I’ve watch reflect back in the hearts of women who reach out to me because they are card carrying members of the “I Lost My Mom” club all shout the verse in Romans:

“Weep with those who weep”.  Romans 12:15 Women who lose their mamas never stop shedding tears for their loss.  The amount changes over time, but the heart… wants a mama.

I have been crying a lot today.  Just goes with the territory.

I cry at seemingly random times all during the year when my heart finds some kind of connection to her and her absence in my life.  Also goes with the territory.

Still… I’m grateful that I can celebrate tomorrow because I had a mom that loved me.  And I loved her.

I will be sharing Monday about ways you can minister to a grieving friend and in the next few weeks another way these truths speak to me.  Come back and join in on the conversation.

Have you lost your mama?  Have friends who have?

A Letter to {now in heaven} Mom

 {Join me in celebrating my mom by donating shoes, donating money for shoes, or buying shoes!  You could win an Amazon gift card!}

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Stephen Wright January 24, 2014 at 1:25 pm

I lost my Mom in 2005 and I miss her every single day that I continue to draw breath. These commonalities are not just among women, they are commmon for men also. I was blessed to have a mother who always poured the oil and the wine into my life. She taught me so many things. She lived a life before me that was genuine. My life has not been the same since she went “home”, but I know that she would want me to carry on and be a reflection of all that she was and raised me to be. I love and miss her and celebrate the fact that I will see her again.


GfG January 24, 2014 at 1:33 pm

Stephen, Thank you for chiming in!! I don’t visit with men like I do women, so I wasn’t positive. I was pretty close to confident in believing they were, but I wasn’t sure. I’m so glad you spoke up for men. :)

I’m even more grateful you had a mama that blessed you.



Maellen January 24, 2014 at 9:34 pm

I, too, lost my mother in 2005. It was the afternoon of October 16. She had lung cancer. We had four months notice. One thing I am entirely grateful for is that because I homeschool, I was able to take the kids to visit her, whether at home or in the hospital, almost every day. I am so glad my children got to love and serve their grandmother during those months, and to see her pass from here to eternity. Our relationship was rocky at times during my growing up years, but as we got older, our bond grew tighter and tighter and I truly considered her one of my best friends. We spoke nearly every day, and often did all our errands together, ending the day with a cup of tea or dinner with my dad. She was British, and so extremely prim and proper, and yet, there were times we would laugh so hard that tears would stream down our faces. And then we’d realize we didn’t even know what we were laughing at! She was hilarious!
You are absolutely right that there is no one who will ever take the place of your mother! I miss mine terribly. I find myself wishing she could see my kids now, or wishing I could ask her advice on a situation. I wish we could sit down for a cup of tea. Thanks for the tears … and the encouragement. Great post, Mindy!


GfG January 24, 2014 at 10:07 pm

Oh, Maellen! You are so right. I’m grateful my children had “extra” time with their Mimi since we homeschool and can be flexible with our schedule. Great point.

Beautiful story, friend. Thank you for sharing. Truly.


Kathy Bruce January 25, 2014 at 7:21 am

Beautiful comments! I lost my mom on 1/2 of 2014 and I’m just beginning my journey alone. Like many of you, my mother was my BEST FRIEND and she contributed much to the person I am today. She was a needle work person and I have many pieces displayed in our home that gives me a constant memory of her. How BLESSED I have been to have had such a loving, Christian mother. She stressed the love of family and this keeps our family glowing with her love. God bless you for your web site and the ability to share our memories of our mother’s.


Toni January 25, 2014 at 10:23 pm

As you know, the pain is still fresh. My mom went home on July 4th, 2013. I hugged her and said, “I love you” to her when she and my dad left my house that night. I will never forget hugging her; the way she felt, and smelled and how she said, “I love you, too.” She was the quintessential, devoted-to-her-family kind of mom. She made us feel unconditionally loved and accepted, even as adults. I could go on and on… My home is evidence of her talents and service to me; it says her name everywhere I look! Life without her is just different. No messages on the answering machine anymore. No calls just to see how my day is going. How my heart aches for not only her, but also my dad. My mom truly will always hold a special place in my heart, but I can also truthfully say the same for my dad as well. In my case, he was just as loving and special as her. I really miss them both just the same. And the Lord allowed me to hug him and tell him I loved him before he went home to Jesus 18 days later. I agree with you that a person is never ready at any age to lose a mama (or dad). I often feel like an orphan now with no one to love me like they did. But glory, hallelujah, I will one day be reunited with them!


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