Sigh. I thought there would be more of an understanding community within the adoption circle, but judgment against one another’s decisions are there just as much as other groups. And judgement against those who adopt and they way they choose to do it. I shouldn’t be surprised, really. Sin nature is sin nature.
Each adoption journey is unique. I’ve already learned this, though we are barely out of the gate in ours. The many decisions faced by a couple that has baggage, issues, and situations to think through as individuals and then the same ones as a couple are serious.
Adoption is very different from getting pregnant as a couple. Very.
I can’t even describe the varying questions that have to be addressed to adopt.
And sadly, that’s where people start bashing one another. Here are a few of the most common things adoptive parents hear:
“Why aren’t you adopting from the foster system? There are plenty of kids there.”
“Why would you adopt a baby, when you could adopt an older child that is waiting?”
“Why are you going to another country to adopt when there are babies and children here?”
“How can you justify spending that amount of money for a child?”
“Why won’t you go adopt a special needs child that needs to find a home soon?”
Each of these questions are seriously loaded. And each of them are not easily answered. They come with an incredible amount of issues and even hurdles.
And they are incredibly personal.
One route may not be a fit for a couple for so many reasons. And that is perfectly ok.
It breaks my heart that people judge the decisions of another for adoption.
Instead of bashing one another’s decision for adoption route, we should rejoice that children find forever families. Each needs one and that’s what it’s all about.
Deciding the route for adoption is more difficult than choosing a college, but most people seem to understand that there are many variables that come into play for that decision. It’s more complicated than buying a car, but again there is no questioning about where you do that. It’s more personal than deciding a home to live in, but the number of questions is even more weighty.
I pray that more and more people stop judging the route for adoption and focus on the end result: an eternal soul gets a forever family and a forever family gets another member.
How can we help stop the judging against adoption routes?