Good for Me: My Mom’s Death & Not Kerrville

by GfG on April 21, 2014 · 6 comments

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A year and a half ago, I sat with a new friend, getting to know one another.  It was my mom’s birthday, though Mom was celebrating it in heaven.  As I shared my story and my eyes filled up with tears, I said, “I don’t see one good thing for me in losing my mom.  Not one.  Sure I see good for someone else, but not for me.”

My new friend looked back at me with understanding eyes, then she said, “Oh, Mindy.  I will pray you do. There is good in it for you and I will pray that you see it.  God promised us that is true.”

If any other friend* had said it to me, I would have shaken it off because they wouldn’t have understood.

This friend… this brand new friend…. well, not only was she standing on Scripture to convict me, but she was living out Scripture: she was a widow of less than six years, mother of three, and barely over forty years old.

Her testimony was and is glorious.  While she wept at the loss of her precious husband, she never took her eyes off Christ.  While she grieved, she never doubted God’s goodness towards her.  While she mourned, she never believed that He had no good in it for her.

me and Edie WEB

Oh, yeah. And Edie is a widow and mom of three, from a wheelchair.  She’s rocking it too.

I have remembered her words all this time.  Yet, I still struggled in seeing good for me in this one area.  I saw the good in our move, but…. In me not having mom?  Nope.

I want to rejoice in His plan for me because it is for my good.

Then at the Clarus Conference a month ago, Thabiti Anyabwile said, “If God has not given you something, then you need to know that it would be bad for you to have it.”

Putting it in that way, well… that hit my heart.  I thought, “It would be bad for me to still have mom.”

Wow.

That’s a hard truth, but it’s also a beautiful truth.

Scripture tells us, “All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

So, that means that taking her from me would be equally applicable.  And that would  mean that it would be bad for me to still have her.  Aka: i would not be for my good.

Why?  I have no idea.  Truly.  Maybe I never will.  I don’t know.  It’s God prerogative whether he shows me why it would be bad for me.

I am willing to look for the good though.  The good for me.  Because I am one of His called and one who loves Him. That means He has worked my life together for my good, including allowing my mom to die when I was only 37.  That means moving me from my beloved home of Kerrville, Texas.

So, God took me away from Kerrville. That was and is good for me.

God took my mom away from me.  That is good for me.

All of my losses, are actually my gain, if I keep my heart, mind, and soul focused on Christ.

I am striving to look for the good in the areas that I still grieve (and there are more than just these two).  I pray God lets me see some good for me, but if not I will ask him to continue to grow my faith.

Faith in Him and His promises.

Which are always good.

In my life… death and events in my life… God is working good for me.  How amazing is that?

Thank you for that loving chastisement, Edie.  Thank you for the new perspective, Pastor Thabiti.  Thank you, Lord.

What is good for you, as of late, that seems to be the opposite? 

*ok, the only other friend I probably have taken it well from would be Jan.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

jan April 21, 2014 at 5:39 am

Thanks for sharing your heart. So precious! The work of grief is a beautiful thing when you give yourself over to it with a trusting heart. I’m so sorry you lost your mom. Life, even in our 40’s, is tough without the input of the mom who often knows you better than you know yourself.

One are of encouragement…a chastisement my dearest Ginger Nelson gave me…”for it is out of the heart that the mouth speaks.” At one point in my grief, I referred to Chuck’s death like this…”God took him from me.” And yeah, that’s what was in my heart…I was robbed. Ginger, upon hearing me say this, immediately said, “Jan, God did not take Chuck from you. He rescued Chuck. He did it for Chuck. He loves Chuck so much.” Zoink. And so, I try to see it all through Chuck’s perspective…and as best as my human heart can, through the eyes of a loving God, gently bringing His beloved from pain to glory…though one of his children (okay, several) endured the crucible of grief.

Anyhoo, I love you! To help dig that “stolen” feeling out of your heart, perhaps this will help you too? Too see this though another lens?

Hugs.

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dancinglady April 21, 2014 at 3:51 pm

Thanks for this Mindy. I haven’t lost anyone recently or anyone I am so close to ever, but our circumstances are difficult for me and what you said did speak to that. I know where He has me is for my benefit, but it is so hard to accept it. Thanks for continually posting great posts Mindy!

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jan April 22, 2014 at 5:50 am

Book recommendation = Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering by Tim Keller. I’ve got a little stack right now, so won’t get to it for a while, but I hear it is amazing for seeing the beauty and glory in…pain and suffering!

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Edie April 22, 2014 at 11:39 am

Wow!!! I am so encouraged by you and your resolve to stuck with God though the path be difficult! I might have shed a year or two while I read this and I so remember that lunch! God is good ALL the time and ALL the time God is good! There is such peace and joy that resides in that statement even on the HARD path! I choose to live there because life is hard enough without adding extra hard on top!! Love you, Mindy!!

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Sarah April 22, 2014 at 12:33 pm

You really should have a disclaimer for those who cry easily. Smile. Healing loving words.

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Jason April 23, 2014 at 1:01 am

I can’t imagine how much the loss of your mother affected you. I will not say “Oh, yeah, it’s just like when my dad died…”. Everybody’s grief and mourning are different. It is something to look back on life with Dad and realize what I/we had, now that he’s not with us. I remember being in the ER and realizing what a gift he had that day, (Last meal was amazing BBQ and lot’s of it and building a deer blind!) I was telling him to go on and that we’d be fine and that he would not have to deal with diabetes and complications anymore. Don’t know if he heard me or not. It’s still surreal to look back on, but it seemed like Camelot was passing. Life is different now for sure, but we have adjusted – not gotten over it. I think of how sweet and blessed it is to have loved someone like your mom and my dad so much, I think that’s one way to know you have REALLY lived. We know a taste of God’s sorrow at losing fellowship with His Son and maybe by that, we become more like Him. Am so proud of all the good you do for your family, friends and complete strangers. Love you and your family dearly.

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