How do you define beauty? beautiful? I have always wished that I was born into a culture that finds short, large nosed women attractive. I wasn’t though. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with how I view my appearance. It has been a real battle.
As I have entered the mid forties, the battle kicked up a few notches. Aging is not fun in many ways and physical appearance is definitely one.
There have been tears. Plenty of tears over the years about how I look on the outside. And way too many lately.
So, I have decided to wrestle with God on the issue.
Christian women have told me many different things over the years about beauty and about me, but I have never believed them (if you are reading this, you know who you are). Not once. I cry even now as I type this because the idea of being beautiful is so foreign to me and yet so very much wanted.
This week I turn forty-four and I am fighting this battle even more constantly than I did as a teenager. I think the only person worth fighting about this with is the LORD. And honestly, He’s the only One I will believe. I’m just like that on this issue.
So, I am meeting him in the desert (or close… the mountain near the high desert) and I am going to hold on to Him until He helps me see what beauty really is, as defined, explained, and valued by Him.
It won’t be a pretty fight. (pun intended)
I’m going to hold nothing back. I’m going to yell. I’m going to cry. I’m going to throw at him all my deeply held beliefs passed on to me by my incredibly opinionated American culture.
He’s got His work cut out for Him.
Convincing me that beauty is not tall, thin, long legged, smooth skinned and flat stomached, with perfectly balanced features on a face that boasts a radiant smile is going to take quite a bit of work.
It will be a battle.
I’ve decided it’s time to fight this fight with Him because I’m miserable. And because I have four beautiful daughters that are watching and listening to me. I do not want to pass my tears on to them. I want to pass on only truth, so…
I have to find out what true beauty is. And because I am a Christian, I go to the Bible for truth. I will be fighting this battle in my mind, but the weapon will be the sword of the Spirit in His Word.
I am starting with a book titled True Beauty by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Whitacre. I know it’s not the Bible, but the advertisement came to my email via Westminster Book Store and the endorsements by pastors and teachers I trust spoke to my heart. It was described as a call back to true Biblical beauty.
I think the next step will be a word study through Scripture, but it really depends on how this book goes.
So… the battle begins.
Would you like to join me?